Forgive and Forget?

The saying “I’ll forgive but won’t forget” has always seemed oxymoronic to me. I reasoned that if I forgave you, then why would I want to remember the hurt that was caused by you? As time proceeded, I gained more experiences in having to forgive where I learned “forgetting” doesn’t mean dismissing the hurt but learning from it. So, in essence I’m forgiving you but moving forward in discernment and wisdom concerning you.

In last week’s blog post one of the ways mentioned to release hurt was to forgive the one who inflicted the hurt to begin with. It is possible to forgive someone and still experience the hurt of what they did, but the pain of that hurt should be decreasing as you walk forward in your journey of healing. This is part of the process where the power holding that hurt in place (which could be manifesting as hate, depression, fear, sickness, disease, etc.) is gradually being weakened. You have to intentionally choose to walk through the hurt, not ignore it, in order to receive total healing. Forgiveness is a tool used as you journey through the process of healing. Using this tool will assist in setting you free from the captivity of how that hurt has manifested in your life.

Forgiving someone does not mean trusting them, trust must be rebuilt IF you are supposed to continue having said person in your life. This point leads us to reconciliation. You are not required to reconcile with the one who hurt you. Take note that the evidence of forgiveness is not predicated on restoring the relationship, especially if that relationship is unhealthy.

When it’s all said and done, you can wholeheartedly forgive someone but remember the offence. The question is, are you harboring hate or bitterness concerning that person or situation? A way I can tell that I have truly forgiven someone is when the offense no longer brings me to tears or anger when I think about what happened. As time goes on and you find yourself at peace with what life has presented, you may notice that you actually do forget the hurt attached to the offence. The key is not allowing the offence to keep you in bondage where you are not being your true, authentic self because the power of that hurt is ruling in your life. Forgive and just forgive.