A couple of weeks ago we discussed defining friendships. In that journaling exercise, you were to reflect on the type of friend you are while also determining if your friendships reflect what you pour out. Finding that some of your relationships do not reciprocate what you bring doesn’t mean those connections need to be thrown away, but reevaluated. You may discover that your friend(s) may not know your love language and in turn, you may not know theirs.
The term love language refers to the way that you express love to a person, and how you receive it from a person. There are 5 types of love languages and it’s common for people to identify with more than just one. I find that there’s usually one dominate love language with a close runner up behind it. Because we have different personalities and character traits, not everyone communicates love in the same way. So, what are these love languages?
Words of affirmation
One who values verbal acknowledgments of affection, compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication like texting and social media engagement.
Gifts
One who feels loved when given a tangible symbol of adoration because they recognize and value the gift-giving process: the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present.
Acts of service
One who feels valued when people do helpful things to support them, it means a lot when someone follows through on something, especially if they were paying attention and stepped in to help. You feel taken care of when a friend supports you and helps ease your responsibilities.
Quality time
One who feels cared for when spending time, active listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritized hallmarks in the friendship.
Physical touch
One who is affirmed by emotional connection, for example being hugged. This language is rooted in our childhood upbringing where we felt deep affection and protected when held.
If my love language is acts of service, and in my friendship I am always showing up, supporting and helping my friend yet they do not show up for me, I may misjudge their authenticity as a friend failing to realize that they have encouraged me in all my endeavors. Their words of affirmation throughout the course of our friendship have empowered me to continue towards success, so in essence they have actually been supportive, just not in the way I define support due to our different love languages. You see how once you understand the many expressions of love and can communicate your needs to your friend while understanding theirs, relationships are fortified? A true friend will meet you at your point of need and try to support you in a way that makes you feel valued.
In today’s journal exercise, ask yourself how you feel when your friend:
1. Offers encouraging, positive, and affirming words, and compliments.
2. Gets you a thoughtful gift.
3. Helps you with tasks that reduce your burden or ease your stress.
4. Gives you their undivided attention for meaningful conversations or activities.
5. Shows you emotional support through a hug or simply placing their hand on yours.
Your love language will be the one that makes you feel the most valued, loved and appreciated.
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